3 years in Portugal
And the (birth) story of how it all started...
Bom ano, amigos !! I hope you had a wonderful holiday season, that you savored family gatherings, and that you had the opportunity to rest and to eat too much.
That’s exactly what I did: sleep and overindulge in cheese and chocolate. We spent about ten days in France, with no other plan than being with family, and it was quite nice.
For a few days I managed to leave my phone behind a bit, which did me a world of good. I don’t make resolutions, but for 2026, I collectively wish us less time spent on our little screens and more moments together, real and in front of one another.
3 years in Portugal
On January 1st, we returned to Lisbon, exactly 3 years after our official move on 12/31/2022. So, 3 years* later, how are we doing ?
Small aside, but actually, in my head, it really feels like we’ve been Lisbon people for 2 years oly. The first year, my body was here but my mind was still in California. I was kind of dissociated, physically in Europe and mentally lost between the two continents, and for the first time in my life, I went through depression.
I talk about it openly because now I’m doing much better, I’ve come out of it, but I find that we don’t talk honestly enough about our phases of deep gloom, about those moments when, despite appearances, the mind doesn’t follow, and when everything seems insurmountable.
At the time, I didn’t put words to it, but in hindsight, that’s my self-diagnosis: a depressive episode. Back then I hadn’t done therapy; through trial and error, I found my own healing methods (yoga, writing, sports, in particular), but it would probably have been beneficial - if you’re going through a difficult period, don’t hesitate to get support.
We all go through ups and downs; accepting that is already a step forward. I’m reminding you of this here because mid-January is a difficult time for many… End of the small aside that wasn’t actually so small.*
Ups and downs
So we are now rather settled here; we’ve sort of “made our way,” even if it’s still hard for us to project ourselves into the future. We decided not to invest in real estate in Portugal - too many scams and/or too many hassles observed around us - a lack of trust and not enough mental space to embark on a construction adventure.
I remain convinced that this country “doesn’t work” on many levels, and that it’s not about to change, even though Portugal was elected “Economy of the Year” in 2025 by The Economist. On the other hand, following several disappointments in terms of medical diagnosis, tax declarations, and paperwork, I’m finding it increasingly hard to trust the local administration, healthcare professionals, or even accountants.
In short, I therefore continue to see Lisbon as an in-between, a landing ground, while waiting to figure out where life will take us next. For now, no other destination is calling to us, and anyway… the mere thought of moving gives me sweats! So day by day: today we are here, and probably for a few more years, while keeping one ear open for potential opportunities.
Moving without a plan, never again
What is certain, though - and this is one of the big lessons of this epic - is that moving without a concrete plan is complicated. I had never done it before; I had always moved for my studies or my job. The arrival was difficult, especially because there was nothing specific waiting for us here at the beginning.
No job on site, no friends, no family, no investment plan, nada; just a desire for adventure, an idea of a career change, and a lot of optimism. We chose Lisbon because we could, because it ticked all the boxes (European capital, ocean, well-connected airport, and international community), but I’m now convinced that having a few constraints help and give structure, whereas having too much choice can actually be paralyzing.
Going somewhere just because you can afford it, out of desire, because you decided it, can lead more to confusion and doubt than to freedom. Remind me, why are we here again?!
I don’t think I’ve ever told you the exact origin of our coming to Lisbon? You’ll probably find it a bit out there, but I’ll share it anyway - I love this story, I find it beautiful and crazy at the same time. When I tell it, people often share similar episodes in return. And it might add a bit of context to the irrational nature of this decision.
On the eve of the new moon
On January 31st, 2022, I am 8 months pregnant with my second baby, due at the end of February. That day, the eve of the Chinese New Year, I go get a massage, a little pregnancy treat. My beloved masseuse in Santa Monica, a bit of a witch, tells me while rubbing oil into my skin, “baby is on the way, he will be here for tomorrow’s new moon; it’s an important celestial event that marks the beginning of the Chinese calendar, babies are sensitive to that.”
I didn’t have any contractions, and with my due date still a month away, I didn’t think anything of it. Yet that very evening, after my water breaks, we are admitted to St. John’s Hospital. Labor doesn’t start on its own, we wait a bit, 12 hours, then they induce me (quickly and strongly, American-style - wouldn’t want to take up the delivery room for too long). The contractions intensify and come closer together as the doses of oxytocin increase.
In the late afternoon of February 1st, even though I feel like my baby is “stuck” on the left side, my OB tells me we can go for it: you can start pushing now, baby will be here in a maximum of 17 minutes! It’s Tuesday, her day off; she probably wants to spend the evening with her young daughter.
Instead of a quarter of an hour, the pushing ultimately lasts almost 3 hours, a true physical and emotional torture. I feel like I will never be able to get this baby out of me, that “he won’t fit.” Exhausted, I repeatedly ask them to open my belly, to give me a C-section, which is refused.
I’ll spare you the other birth details, that borrow from the animal realm, but at 8:50p.m., Gaston is finally born. Except he doesn’t cry, and very quickly things get hectic; they don’t give him to me right away, a nurse takes him in her arms to revive him… Then after a few endless minutes, they finally place him on my chest, slightly blue but alive. My baby, my boy, my love, already (it’s different the second time - you love immediately, it’s instantaneous, at least it was for me).
The download
And there, at the exact moment when I feel the weight (not exactly featherlight - one month early but still 3.4 kg) of my baby’s little body settle against mine, suddenly everything becomes clear, and I receive what I will call a download - yes, like a proper download - a message from above, down to me - I warned you it was a bit mystical! - in the form of very clear instructions: here is your second and last child, no need to have another, never another pregnancy, never another birth, you are going to quit your job, you are going to leave Santa Monica, move to Portugal, and you are going to teach yoga there…
I know that said like this, 4 years later, it sounds a bit romanticized, as if it were invented to neatly match my current story. But everything is true.
I remember very precisely the strength of the message and its components; at that moment I was fully present. The power of the hormonal surge of birth, coupled with the physical trauma of childbirth and its life-or-death urgency, certainly heightened all my sensations and created the ideal conditions to receive and welcome this download.
So of course, the most Cartesian minds will find plenty of rational and scientific explanations for this, but at that moment I perceived it as a mission to accomplish, a destiny - in any case, something not to be questioned.
And the fact is that, 4 years later, this is exactly where we are… with ups and downs!
Rain and Ghibli Studio
The year begins with rain here, and to the kids’ great delight, we’ve spent time at home, in pajamas, playing, reading, and watching Japanese films from Studio Ghibli.
I’m discovering the work of the legendary Miyazaki with them (I’m ashamed to admit that until now I hadn’t seen anything by him, but my film culture has never been a reference), and I’m amazed. I love the universes unique to each story, and the links between them; I appreciate the beauty of the drawings, especially the natural landscapes, the colors of the flowers, and the serenity that emanates from them.
Until April and our trip to Japan, I’m soaking it all in! I want to see them all. Which ones have you seen and preferred?
During the Christmas holidays, I reconnected with the simple pleasure of watching films. I hardly watch any during the year, and in 3 weeks I watched about ten. What a joy - sitting on the couch (even better next to a fireplace), and letting yourself be carried away by a story, without even having to read! That’s what I wish for all of us in 2026: to marvel at the simple things, without all the artifice.
